- Ps. Koshbilash Adhikari
My life was not as easy as normal people have and still not easy. Normal people live their lives through their automatic thoughts but my story is different than them. Physically I am still same (disable) but in spirit I have got new enthusiasm and awareness of eternal life. The companion for my physical life, without which, my life probably impossible and which wheels lead me to my destination and through it have accomplished the half of my life time. Perhaps, you have already guessed, yes! Four wheels chair, my life’s intimate companion- wheelchair.
Still that incident is fresh in my mind while I had fallen from the tree and had spent long time in hospital’s bed. When I found my physical companion, I had thought that I can live normal life somehow. But traditional Nepalese society couldn’t accept me and I was like rejected person and that moment was the most worst in my life.
But after, either God’s will or time had come, I got the medication in mission hospital where the seed of gospel was planted in my heart through hospital staffs. I accepted God and was baptized. After that I thought to go to city to face further struggles. I had thought that it is very difficult for me to live in the village due to my physical disability and if I move to urban, my life would be little easier. But it didn’t happen as I had thought and searched. While I became disable, since then I am have been rejected and it made me frustrated. But I made myself strong to face the situations and struggling to move forward.
It might be challenge or invitation or opportunity, I got opportunity to visit the church whose pastor had baptized me when I was in the village. I took long breath and thought that our there is majority of non believers in our society and that’s why they do not understand my feelings so I am going to among those people who follow Christ, and after that my pain, struggling period would be end. But I was still wrong because I had decided to go to church by following Christ followers. I had forgotten to go to church looking at God and because of that I had bitter experiences of my involvement in the beginning. But I got many blessings from that bitter experiences, I came to know and felt that God has chosen me for His work.
One Saturday I was confused to go to church. I was unable to decide either going to church or not. That was rainy season. Somewhere was raining, somewhere partial raining. Around 28 years ago, most of people know how the road of Kathmandu was. Most of roads in Kathmandu are crumbled in present time then we can imagine how road was before. It was almost impossible for me to go to church on wheelchair but I decided to go. I was not going to listen political party’s general assembly; I was just going to listen the word of living God. That’s why I made decision that anyhow I must go to church. It was challenging for me due to road access but I hardly reached to church. After reaching church, I looked around me and I was look like farmer coming from farming land. Church was not a disable friendly so I couldn’t dare to go inside of the church hall but some of volunteers helped me to go inside. As I reached to my permanent place where I used to sit every Saturday, church hall was resounded of God’s glorious songs and praise. I felt rejoice and forgot all the struggles I had face on the way due to damaged road. And I was just delighting in God’s presence concentrating myself.
My rejoicing on to the Lord couldn’t go longer due to muddy wheels of my wheelchair. Carpet in the church was expensive and muddy wheels made it garbage. I was requested to stay outside of the church by church leaders. I was feeling not good. I felt that I was a gate keeper of the church. I couldn’t concentrate on church service. My time was just passing out doing greet to others believers who were doing in and out. During the offering, offering collector even didn’t come to me because I was staying in the gate. I hardly heard the sermon without any concentrating. I felt not intimacy with God hearing sermon from far away. I couldn’t share my pain to anyone. I was like on a duty for believers’ shoes security. My wife Goma and son Bikas were sitting inside the church.
Whose mistake it was indeed? Was it my fault that I entered with muddy wheelchair or church community and leaders who expelled me? But I realized later that it was neither my fault nor others. It was mistaken of time and situations. I felt that weather was teasing me and I just thanked God for everything. I complaint my wife that I will not go to church anymore next time. She was speechless. To be honest, I didn’t go to church for few weeks. No one asked me about my absence in the church and no one came to my home for prayer. I became more frustrated because of not going to church. I felt different feelings staying alone at home and praising God. I felt that human nature would dominate in lack of heavenly support, I felt that it was difficult to glorify God because of the situations. I felt same as Jews had condemned Paul and Silas in acts 16:15. My legs were chained like in their legs in prison. Paul and Silas were praising God in this situation also and I was encouraged by it. I tried to find the church nearby my home or disable friendly church but couldn’t find and there was no option for me instead of staying at home.
There is no one except Jesus who understands difficulties, realities and problems of disable persons. I remembered the word Jesus had said, “…but the son of man has nowhere to lay his head.” But I have family and house. Hallelujah! It is impossible to go away from God in weaknesses, pain, problems. Was in my fault to mess up my wheelchair’s wheels? Such kind of question arose in my mind while I went to bed. I had habit to say ‘hallelujah’ before going to bed.
I used to feel joy when somebody says to pray for me. Jesus has been center point of my life. My life has been similar as mentioned in psalm 34:1- “every time I praise you.” I always gave first place to God even in my difficult situations. God taught me to pray in depth and I got enough answers of my prayer.
Heart always does not pain. God gave me the heart to forgive as well. According to Ephesians 5:20, God gave me heart to love those friends who were against me. I became more matured through difficult situations. I never gave up to do good work for others. As a result, God opened many doors for ministry. Nowadays wheelchair friendly churches and good roads have been built. All glory to God.
When we live with negative thoughts, we become weapons for satan and his friends. We must be cleansed through the blood of Christ. I believe that it will be easy to climb up next steps through dedication- Roman 1:18, 2 Cor 4:4, Jer17:9-10, psalm 8:9, 71:14.
Devil spirits who go to hell, never worship God. Not worshiping God is negative thoughts. Sin is against Christ. Those who let dwells sin in them feel confusion against Christ. Such kind of people has low level’s thinking. If we want to glorify God, we must have Jesus’ thoughts. Our heart should be ready to glorify Him. Amen! The tax collector’s confession on sin ended up to seek God. Such kind of thing still resists because sins burns and it wants to be healed and as a result he/she comes to know Christ, gets salvation and worships God. I am physically disabled but spiritual army in Christ.
I supposed to forget God while I tried to make people happy. I was thinking that how can I follow people, how can I manage my problems and tried to fulfill my physical needs. I had not known to make God happy. We can get physical benefit by making people happy but spiritual tower will be demolished. My situations were similar for many years. I wasted my time in such things. But today I learned through the word of God. Glory to be God! Christ is only the center point of ours.
When we longs for the world, our attitude also becomes like world. Worldly thoughts condemn, gets anger, not willing to go to Church, not willing to study bible. If we live in under Christ domain, God will set us free and we can glorify God, praise Him. Remembering Jesus means to accept our mistakes and faults.